Helping Your Partner Through Perimenopause : A Practical Guide for Same-Sex Couples
Article written by Dr Mari Walling, British Menopause Society Registered Specialist, GP, Co-founder of Lemala Health, November 2025This information is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider for personal guidance.
This guide is here to help you understand what your partner may be going through and how to support them in practical, meaningful ways.
Perimenopause can feel confusing from the outside. You may notice your partner experiencing symptoms that shift daily, or feel unsure how to help or whether things will get better.
Many women describe this phase as feeling “out of control,” “not themselves,” or “like everything suddenly became harder.”Many women describe this phase as feeling “out of control,” “not themselves,” or “like everything suddenly became harder.” And partners often say they feel helpless, worried, or unsure how to offer the right support.
In same-sex partnerships, both partners may be navigating midlife stressors, work pressures, or even hormonal changes themselves. This can create deeper empathy, but also more complex emotions.
Understanding Perimenopause and Menopause
Perimenopause usually begins in the forties, though it can start earlier. Hormone levels fluctuate, affecting mood, sleep, energy, concentration, and physical comfort.
Menopause is reached when periods have stopped for twelve months or after surgery removing the ovaries.
These changes are real and biological. They can lead to irritability, low confidence, tearfulness, anxiety, brain fog, and fatigue. Understanding that these are hormone-driven, not personal, helps keep communication open and reduces tension.
What You Might Notice
Emotional and psychological changes
Your partner may become more anxious, tearful, or irritable than usual. Confidence may drop and she may withdraw from work or social activities. In same-sex partnerships, emotional intensity may feel amplified if both partners are managing midlife changes or stress simultaneously.
Sleep and cognitive changes
Disrupted sleep affects mood, memory, focus, and patience. Brain fog or forgetfulness may appear even in previously highly organised women. At home or work, this can look like hesitation, reduced engagement, or more caution.
Impact on home life and relationships
She may withdraw, appear less affectionate, or show changes in libido. Responsibilities may feel overwhelming. These shifts are part of a biological transition and rarely personal. Shared experiences in same-sex couples may intensify empathy, but make it even more important to create space for both partners’ experiences.
Physical symptoms
Hot flushes and night sweats
Aches, pains, or headaches
Palpitations
Weight or body shape changes
Dry or itchy skin
Vaginal dryness or discomfort
Bladder symptoms or infections
Irregular or absent periods
A Partner’s Practical Guide: What You Can Do
Start with open, curious conversations
Ask gentle questions like:
“How are you feeling today?”
“Is there anything that would make things easier tonight?”
“Would you like me to help with anything specific?”
Listen to understand, not to solve
Often the most powerful support is simply being present. Listen to understand what her days feel like without trying to fix everything.
Share practical support
Small actions can make life easier:
sharing or taking over tasks during tougher days
being flexible with plans
recognising when she needs quiet or rest
Stay connected, even if intimacy changes
Libido may fluctuate, vulval and vaginal dryness or discomfort is common. Connection can continue through:
open, gentle conversations
patience if intimacy slows
using lubricants and local oestrogen
touch, shared time, and humour
Supporting Decisions About Treatment
There are many treatment options, including hormonal and non-hormonal options:
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
HRT replaces oestrogen to relieve hot flushes, night sweats, sleep disruption, mood changes, brain fog, joint pain, and vaginal discomfort. It is available as patches, gels, sprays, tablets, and vaginal treatments. HRT is safe and effective for most women but is not suitable for everyone.
Local Vaginal/ Vulval Oestrogen
This is used for vulval and vaginal dryness, soreness, or bladder symptoms. It works where needed with minimal absorption into the bloodstream and can be used alone or alongside HRT.
As a partner, you can help by:
encouraging consultations with a clinician
supporting her while she explores HRT types if needed
recognising that benefits can take time
Lifestyle and Non-Hormonal Support:
Lifestyle approaches can make a big difference to all women, whether they are unable / choose not too or do take HRT.
You can help with:
Sleep
Encourage calm evening routines
Reduce late screen time
Limit caffeine and alcohol in the evening
Keep the bedroom cool and quiet
Exercise
Support regular, gentle movement like walking, stretching, or yoga
Join her to make it enjoyable
Focus on consistency over intensity
Nutrition
Balanced meals with protein, vegetables, calcium, and vitamin D
Prepare quick, healthy options
Cook together or take over when she is tired
Weight and lifestyle
Support healthy weight habits
Reduce alcohol and avoid smoking
Mind and Mood
Listen without judgment
Encourage sharing feelings with you, friends, or a therapist
Support mindfulness, CBT, or relaxation practices
Non-Hormonal Treatments
Prescribable options can relieve hot flushes, night sweats, low mood, anxiety, and sleep difficulties. Encourage her to discuss these with a doctor or menopause specialist.
Complementary Approaches
Yoga, mindfulness, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, herbal remedies
Always check with a doctor for safety and interactions
Know when outside support is helpful
Encouraging her to see a knowledgeable clinician is one of the most supportive things you can do.
Look out for signs that she may benefit from a professional review:
persistent low mood or heightened anxiety
major sleep disruption
symptoms affecting work or daily functioning
a feeling that she’s “not herself”
previous HRT attempts that didn’t help and weren’t reviewed or adjusted
Final Thought
Perimenopause and menopause can affect every part of life. In same-sex partnerships, shared understanding, empathy, and open communication are especially important. Your support, patience, and practical help make a real difference.
You do not have to get everything perfect - being present, attentive, and kind is what matters most.