Helping Your Partner Through Perimenopause : A Practical Guide for Understanding and Support
Article written by Dr Mari Walling, British Menopause Society Registered Specialist, GP, Co-founder of Lemala Health, November 2025This information is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider for personal guidance.
This guide is here to help you understand what your partner may be going through and how you can support them in practical, meaningful ways.
Perimenopause can feel confusing from the outside. You may be watching the person you love struggle with symptoms that seem to shift daily. You may be unsure what is happening, how to help, or whether things will get better.
Many women describe this phase as feeling “out of control,” “not themselves,” or “like everything suddenly became harder.” And partners often say they feel helpless, worried, or unsure how to offer the right support.
Understanding Perimenopause and Menopause
Perimenopause usually begins in the forties, although it can start earlier. Hormone levels shift and fluctuate, affecting mood, sleep, energy, concentration, and physical changes.
Menopause is reached when periods have stopped for twelve months or after surgery removing the ovaries.
The symptoms are real, biological, and often unpredictable. They can lead to emotional overwhelm, irritability, low confidence or a sense of “not feeling like myself.” Recognising that these changes are hormonally driven, not personal, helps to keep communication open and reduces unnecessary tension between partners.
What You Might Notice
Emotional and psychological changes:
You may notice she is more anxious, tearful, or irritable than usual. Her confidence may drop and she may withdraw from work or social activities. These changes are driven by hormones, not her personality or resilience.
Sleep and cognitive changes:
Disrupted sleep affects mood, memory, focus and patience. Brain fog or forgetfulness may appear even in women who were always sharp and organised. At work or home, she may appear more cautious or hesitant.
Impact on home life and relationships:
She may withdraw or appear less affectionate. Changes in libido are common. She may feel overwhelmed by daily responsibilities. These shifts are rarely personal; they are part of a biological transition.
Physical symptoms:
Hot flushes and night sweats
Aches, pains or headaches
Palpitations
Weight or body shape changes
Dry or itchy skin
Vaginal dryness or discomfort
Bladder symptoms or infections
Irregular or absent periods
A Partner’s Practical Guide: What You Can Do
Start with simple, curious conversations:
Instead of trying to offer solutions straight away, try gentle, open questions. For example:
“How have you been feeling lately?”
“Is there anything you’ve been worried about that you want me to understand better?”
These questions invite honest conversation without pressure or judgement.
Listen to understand, not to solve:
Many partners want to help by suggesting quick fixes. But often the most powerful support is simply being present.
Try listening with the aim of understanding what her days feel like.
Learn the basics of symptoms:
Being aware of common changes helps you separate what is “menopause” from what is personal.
You don’t need to become an expert, just aware. Understanding helps you separate “this is us” from “this is the menopause talking.”
Help make life a little lighter:
Small practical changes often make a real impact. These might include:
sharing (or taking over) certain tasks when symptoms are worse
being flexible if plans need to change
recognising when she needs quiet time or rest
You are not “rescuing” her - you are helping her conserve energy during a demanding phase.
Stay connected, even if intimacy changes:
Libido often fluctuates in perimenopause. Vaginal dryness or discomfort can also make intimacy feel difficult. This is medical, not personal. Connection can grow even if intimacy looks different for a while.
What helps:
talking openly, gently, and without pressure
being patient if things slow down
understanding that treatments for vaginal symptoms (local oestrogen)are safe and effective
suggest using lubricants
finding other ways to stay close: touch, affection, shared time, humour
Support her decisions about treatment:
There are many treatment options, including hormonal and non-hormonal options:
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
Hormone Replacement Therapy, or HRT, replaces oestrogen to relieve symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. It can help with hot flushes, night sweats, sleep disruption, mood changes, brain fog and joint pain. HRT is available in several forms including patches, gels, sprays and tablets. It is safe and effective for most women, but it is not suitable for everyone.
Local vaginal/ vulval oestrogen
A treatment for vaginal and vulval dryness, soreness, or bladder symptoms. It works directly where it is needed, with minimal absorption into the bloodstream. Local oestrogen can be used on its own or alongside HRT, depending on her symptoms and medical advice.
Partners can help by:
encouraging her to book a consultation with a clinician
supporting her in exploring different HRT types if needed
being patient while she finds the right combination
recognising that benefits can take time to build
Lifestyle and Non Hormonal Support:
Lifestyle approaches can make a big difference to all women, whether they are unable / choose not too or do take HRT.
You can help with:
Sleep
Calm evening routines, reduced screen time
Limit caffeine and alcohol in the evening
Encourage rest when needed
Keep bedroom cool and quiet
Exercise
Regular, gentle movement like walking or stretching
Join her if possible to make it enjoyable
Focus on consistency over intensity
Nutrition
Balanced meals with protein, vegetables, calcium and vitamin D
Quick, healthy options available
Cook together or take over when she is tired
Weight and lifestyle
Support healthy weight habits
Reduce alcohol and avoid smoking where possible
Mind and Mood
Listen without judgment
Encourage sharing feelings with you, friends, or a therapist
Support mindfulness, relaxation, or CBT practices
Non-Hormonal Treatments
Prescribable options can relieve hot flushes, night sweats, low mood, anxiety, and sleep difficulties. Encourage her to discuss these with a doctor or menopause specialist.
Complementary Approaches
Yoga, mindfulness, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, herbal remedies
Always check with a doctor for safety and interactions
Know when outside support is helpful
Encouraging her to see a knowledgeable clinician is one of the most supportive things you can do.
Look out for signs that she may benefit from a professional review:
persistent low mood or heightened anxiety
major sleep disruption
symptoms affecting work or daily functioning
a feeling that she’s “not herself”
previous HRT attempts that didn’t help and weren’t reviewed or adjusted
A Final Thought
Your support, patience, and willingness to learn make an enormous difference. You don’t have to get everything right. You just have to stay open, involved and kind.